Bye Baby!

My precious baby girl was born in October, 2008.

I took advantage of the FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) that protected my job for 12 weeks, and my boss was kind enough to give me an extra week off so I could enjoy the holidays with my family.

This week was my first week back at the office. I was thrilled to see my staff and colleagues. It was great to hear everyone's holiday stories and New Year's resolutions. It was nice to get dressed in work clothes again.

But I miss my baby!

The window in my office is covered with photos of my 4 year-old son. His big smile brightens my day, and I could just stare at him for hours. I will now further reduce the amount of sunlight coming into my office as I will surely cover another window with photos of his baby sister.

Along with returning to work, the "mom guilt" that I often refer to, sets in. I feel so guilty that I'm not home with her when she is only 3 months old.

I must say, my husband and I are lucky. We have the financial means to BOTH take unpaid time off of work. With that said, my husband is now on 12 weeks of FMLA. This will help us avoid placing her in daycare until she is 6 months old, and it certainly delays the additional "mom guilt" that I will inevitably experience once I place her in the hands of a stranger.

My morning routine has me waking up at 5:30am so that I can hit the gym before work. Before I leave, I stop into my son's room (unless he's in Mommy & Daddy's bed!) to make sure he is still tucked in and warm. I then go to the baby's room, and just stare at her through my tears. I cry thinking that the last time she heard her Mommy's voice was at 10:00 and she won't hear it again for 20 hours.

I remember feeling the same with my son. Or maybe it was worse because he was my first child. Either way, it's torture.

So as I type this entry on my laptop in bed, my son is sleeping next to me snoring mildly and I can hear the baby breathing over the baby monitor. And next to my son is my wonderful, wonderful husband.

I'm the luckiest mom in the world...if only I didn't have to work!

Good Night,
-Barbara-