Thank You, Stranger!

Below is a letter I wrote when I was a new mom:

Next month, my little Matthew will celebrate his first birthday. I will confess that I never dreamed of becoming a mom, and when I learned I was pregnant, I was struck with panic. But little did I know, all the help that my husband and I would receive along the way.

On behalf of all moms and dads, I would like to say “Thank You” to everyone that has contributed in some way to our happiness as parents. I may not have thanked you along the way, so I would like to thank you now.

I would like to thank my family, my friends, other moms, and authors of pregnancy and parenting books for all of the solid advice. Your advice brought me comfort and peace of mind. You reassured me that I can do this…I can be a great mom. It turns out that you were all right, and I hope you will continue to share your advice and write books to help other future moms.

To all of the health care workers, including the obstetricians, maternity ward nurses, NICU nurses, pediatrician, cord blood storage companies, and lactation consultants, I would like to thank you for the great care that you gave to me and Matthew. Throughout all of our visits, you answered our questions and made us feel as though we were your only patients. You monitored our progress very closely, and as a result, despite being premature, Matthew is a very healthy baby.

My employer was equally wonderful. They never hesitated to give me the time off I needed for my doctor visits. When Matthew was born, I received numerous packages and well wishes from my co-workers. And when I took advantage of the FMLA benefits by taking 12 weeks off of work, my company was supportive. When I returned to work, I was still nursing, but my office was equipped with an area for my lactation needs. What a relief!

During my pregnancy and Matthew’s first year, we have used countless products that have made our lives easier and safer. Fashionable maternity clothes, lightweight strollers, safety cotton swabs, disposable diapers, baby swings, double-breast pumps that come in fashionable backpacks. This is a very short list of the many things that have helped us. And just when you think everything has been invented, something new is introduced. So to all who have invented these products…thank you. And keep inventing!

I would like to thank the many stores and restaurants that make it easy for us to enjoy an outing as a family. Parking for expectant moms, family restrooms equipped with a diaper changing area, high chairs, crayons, children’s meals, and play areas, are great features and enough to keep us coming back again and again.

Many, many thanks to all the strangers that have helped us along the way. We want to thank: the flight attendant who let me sit next to the lavatory for my frequent visits while pregnant, the gentleman who helped with my suitcases on that same trip, the man who ran to his car in the rain to lend me and Matthew an umbrella. And thank you to: the people who hold the door open when they see us coming with our stroller, the moms who smile when they see my baby, and the kids who want to play with Matthew. Thank you all so much.

Since Matthew is only one year old, we have years ahead that will undoubtedly produce many, many more people to thank. To the babysitters, school bus drivers, police officers, playground monitors, and every other person who will help me to keep my son safe from harm, I thank you in advance. To the school nurse, pediatrician, and food companies, I thank you in advance for helping me to keep him healthy. To his teachers, little league coach, mentors, and his future friends, I thank you in advance for giving my child the tools and the skills he needs to realize his dreams. And to every other person who will touch my son’s life, even in the smallest way, I thank you for you will all shape his life.

Thank You, Stranger!
-Barbara-

In Search of the Perfect Child Care

In preparation for our upcoming move, my husband and I have begun searching for child care for both of our kids.  

I must admit, that I become quite emotional at the idea of a starnger watching my kids.  It kills me to think that someone else will spend more time with my children than I will spend every day.  But I set aside my jealousy, and look for the best partner with whom to raise my children.  

Because our daughter is an infant, we don't have to worry yet about things like physical activity, nap schedule, lunch menu, or teaching curriculum.  On the other hand, because she is an infant, she can't tell me if someone failed to feed her or didn't change her diaper all day.  I get knots in my stomach thinking of leaving my precious baby with a stranger.  I suppose when I meet the perfect child care provider, my gut will tell me, and I will have to have faith.

My 3.5 year-old son is the smartest and most charming little boy I have ever known.  For him, I need a school that will challenge him, and provide him with ample social opportunities.  The qualifications of his "teacher" are extremely important.  However, I find my son learns just as much, if not more, from his fellow classmates.  For this reason, I now find myself asking questions about the other students.  Is there a bully in the class?  Are the students well-behaved?  Is the class culturally diverse?  

We have found the school for my son, but we are still searching for a perfect arrangement for our daughter.  My son's school is very clean and very professional.  The school does not provide lunch or snacks, so I will have to provide his food.  What do I pack?  PB&J sandwiches is the only thing that comes to mind that doesn't require cooking.

I wish that the two kids could attend the same facility so that my son could spend time with his baby sister during the day.  But, because of their age difference and availability, they will attend separate facilities.  

So the search continues, and so does my "mom guilt" for not being able to stay home to raise my children on my own, without the help of a stranger.  But thank God for all the strangers that will come into our lives throughout their childhood that will make them who they will be.

Wish us luck!

-Barbara-

"Dead" & a 3 year-old

Picture this.  I'm sitting on the living room floor with my 3 year old son as he is eating a gummi bear (it's actually a gummi vitamin, but he doesn't know that).  He says "Mommy!  Watch this!".  I don't see much happening as I'm staring at him, until I realize what he's doing, and I ask "Did you just swallow that without chewing it?".  He proudly says "Yeah.  Isn't that cool?".  I proceed to freak out and tell him never to do that again.  When he asks his favorite question, "Why?" and asks if he would have to go to the hospital.  I answered "No, you'd be dead."  

Well, since then, my son has asked me numerous times about being dead.  He asked if Superheroes or doctors can make him alive again after he is dead.  He then asked if I will ever be dead.  And then proceeded to ask about each family member one-by-one if they will ever be dead.  I was hoping he wouldn't ask about the 18-year-old cat who likely will be dead soon.  Suddenly he broke out in tears and cried uncontrollably saying he would miss me if I were dead.  And pointed out that I wouldn't be able to kiss him or hug him if I were dead.  And he went on and on about death.  

Now, when he eats, he pulls up his shirt to ask me to look into his tummy to confirm that the food he just ate, is in fact, in his tummy.  This way he knows it's not stuck in his throat and he's not going to die.  What have I done?

So how do I undo this?  And now that I've opened this can of worms, what do I tell this precious 3-year-old about death?  I have tried reassuring him, but it doesn't seem to be working as he has now moved on to having these conversations with his dad.

Well, I must go finish wrapping his Christmas presents.  I can't wait to see the look on his face Christmas morning.

Have a Merry Christmas,

-Barbara-

Santa Claus vs. Jesus

I never realized how stressful it is to keep Santa's identity a secret.  My son is now at the age where he knows who Santa Claus is and what he does.  And like any good parent, I don't want to spoil anything for him.  But, my son is just too smart...so I have to outsmart him.  

How can Santa Claus be at the mall, at his school, and on every TV commercial at the same time?

If Santa brings the presents, why do we go Christmas shopping?  

Why are the gifts wrapped in the wrapping paper that's been in the closet since last year?  

How does Santa come in the house if we have no chimney?  

Why do we need to donate toys to needy children if Santa delivers toys to all good children?

And then, how do you explain that Christmas is to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus, yet the star of the show seems to be Santa Claus?  I'll tell you what I told my son...

Jesus and Santa Claus are "best buddies".  All year, Jesus gives us gifts...like the baby sister that we just received.  But for Jesus' birthday, Santa Claus gives him a rest and he takes over giving presents for just that one day.

And for this reason, we will not only put out cookies & milk for Santa Claus, we will also bake a birthday cake for Jesus and sing Happy Birthday to him.

In the meantime, my husband and I carefully track our hiding spots so that wrapping paper and presents are never found and Christmas shopping is done when my son is in school.  It almost feels like a CIA operation.  That's because the stakes are high.  The chance of shattering my son's Christmas spirit is unimagineable, and I will do anything I can to keep him forever young.

Merry Christmas

-Barbara-

Craigslist & College Savings

In the past, when I sold my boy's belongings (high chair, stroller, toys, clothes, etc.) on Craigslist.org, all proceeds went to his college account.  Seems fair.  They're his things, so he should get the money.  Also, into his account, we deposit all of our loose change and any unexpected money we receive (refund from the insurance company, rebate checks, etc.).  From all of this, his account has close to $3,500.  Not bad!

BUT...now that we have TWO children, what do we do?  Do we split the account?  Do we set up an account separate for her?  But then, who gets the loose change?

And of course, now that she has outgrown a number of her baby clothes, I want to post them to Craigslist for another mom to use.  However, because times are tough, and because it's the holiday season, I have decided to post them for FREE.  After all, many of her clothes were passed to us by a friend who has two baby girls.  I figure the benefit to a needy mom outweighs the $100 I could make off of them.  

What do you think?  Do you give away your baby items?  If no, you should consider it.  The gratitude of others will make your spirit bright!  And it's easy on Craigslist.org.  When I post the items under the FREE category, they are gone within minutes.  It's unbelievable.

Have a nice, charitable day!

-Barbara-

Toddler Still Sleeping with Mommy & Daddy

Tonight, we are hosting my son's first sleepover.  He recently received his 10th green sticker for which he was allowed to choose his reward.  He asked to have one of his daycare friends spend the night, and we agreed.  What did he have to do to earn a green sticker???  He received a green sticker for each night that he fell asleep in his own bed, and woke up in his own bed.  

That's right, I admit it...our 3.5 year old son, still sleeps in the bed with us.  I have been told that this is a terrible thing, but no one (not even the pediatrician) can tell me WHY.  Truth be told, I enjoy having him in the bed.  Maybe it's a bonding thing, or maybe it's because I know he's happy being close to us.  Nonetheless, I have given in to the expectations of everyone else, and begun the transition to his own room and his own bed.  

We have tried everything!  First we placed a small bed in the room with us, so he would still be close, just not in the same bed.  We then progressed to moving him to his own room, but we found that one of us was spending the night in his room every night.  When I realized that he simply did not want to be alone, I had a genius idea.  I allowed the cat to sleep with him!  That worked for a few days until I made the mistake of telling him his cough might be from cat fur in his throat.  After that, he no longer wanted the cat, and we were back to sleeping with him.

So the current tactic is a reward poster where he gets green stickers for good nights, and yellow stickers for not-so-good nights.  It seems to be working.  Fingers crossed!  

As for the sleepover...it's been quite an experience.  I wonder what he will want for his next 10 green stickers.

Well, I'm off to take care of the baby.  I'm still trying to transition her to a bottle with little success.  But we'll get there.  Thanks Marc J for the vote of confidence.

Good night.

-Barbara-

Mom: Guilt & Expectations

My name is Barbara.  I am the proud mom of an almost-4 year old boy and a 2-month old daughter.  I have never "blogged" before so I'm not quite sure how this works.  I suppose I'll just type.  

I was at the gym tonight thinking of all the ways that I have felt guilty as a mom, and I wonder if it's just me...

1) My current dilemma is weaning my baby from breastfeeding.  I will soon return to work, and I have decided to start weaning my little girl before I return.  I went online for some advice on HOW to wean.  When I searched "how to discontinue breastfeeding", what I found were articles that went on and on about the benefits of nursing and how it is best to nurse for two years.  I understand the benefits.  That's why I chose to nurse in the first place.  And although I am emotional when I think of no longer breastfeeding, the decision has been made.  I just need some advice on HOW!

2) I started by mentioning that I was at the gym tonight.  I should point out that I am not an athlete or a gym-junkie.  But I have been going to the gym since 4 weeks after my c-section out of pure pressure to look good.  I am afraid to return to work still wearing my maternity clothes.  I feel as though the other women at work will be looking at me and judging me based on how I look.  I can hear it now..."So how much weight have you lost?"...  Anybody have any advice???

3) My husband and I each commute over an hour from home to our offices.  For this reason, we have decided to use the time of our 12-week maternity/paternity leave to find a new home closer to the office.  However, I am nervous at the idea that it will be rough for my son.  He absolutely adores his daycare provider and his daycare friends, and they all love him.  I just worry that it's a lot of change for him at once...new sister, new house, new daycare...  Any advice on how to make the transition easier for him?

4) Now that my son is almost 4 years old, I would like to enroll him in some organized activities, but I don't know which would be best.  Soccer?  Karate?  Tennis?  Can someone give me some advice on what things to consider?  Cost?  Schedule?  Anything else?

Okay - so I think I have laid enough on you for one night.   I should probably get some sleep.  The little one will surely be waking up soon for a feeding.

I thank you in advance for any advice or thoughts you can share.  

-Barbara-